I want to WRITE AGAIN! It's been too long!

But I've forgotten where I wanted my storyline to go....

A lot of writing instruction manuals suggest that to better get to know your character, you should imagine interviewing them. I try this every so often, but I've never really felt comfortable doing it. Here's how my interviews usually go:

Me: All right then, Vey, why don't you tell me a little about yourself?
Vey: (Stares blankly at me from across the table)
Me: Erm... (nervous paper shuffling) Why don't you tell me a little about your childhood? What made you the man you are today?
Vey: (Frowning) You do know you're talking to yourself, right?
Me: Well, ah, technically yes, but this is supposed to be an int-
Vey: I mean, let's be honest. I'm not even from your reality; why would I be sitting at a table with you?
Me: You're missing the point. I'm trying to get to know you better. I'm making the effort to figure out what makes you a unique individual. And no one can hear us, anyway.
Vey: Oh, all right. (Clears throat, then begins to speak in a stiff, artificial manner) I had a very difficult childhood. We were trained to-- Look, I'm sorry, this just isn't working for me. This isn't how I operate.
Me: Well, if you want to get real about, it, you don't normally speak like you're speaking now, either.
Vey: If you're gonna be a smartass, I can take my toys and go home.

When I write, when I think about my characters, I live in their skin. My outer body stills, and my mind turns to what they're seeing and feeling. It's difficult to do--and probably why I'm slow, since you can't do this when you're mind is buzzing with too much real-life responsibility. But writing through the character's skin gives them such life, such vibrance, that for a few moments I can forgive my pokiness and just enjoy the ride.

For quite some time now, I've been frustrated with my inability to write with as much ease and speed as I once had. Of course, life was simpler when I had it, but that doesn't make the situation easier to accept.

Yesterday I was reminded of some important things that I know but had forgotten to really consider:
1. The first few words are the hardest. This is true for a rewrite as well as for a blank page. Any time you have to create something from nothing (or from little), you can be choked by fear of failure/ridicule or self-doubt.

2. Sometimes the best way to go forward is to take a few steps back. Many, many times I've found myself stuck in a scene for weeks, wondering what I was supposed to do next. What works best? Save a copy of the original scene, pull it apart into manageable events, then consider alternatives to those events. If the scene ends with a character leaving, what would happen if he never left? Say you've begun your scene with a fight--how will events change if the characters approach each other with different attitudes? What if she never entered the room but the chapter still ended with her finding his letter?

3. You write best when you can silence your inner critic. This is not, mind you, the voice saying, "Wait a minute--that's not how you spell conglomeration!" You have to be able to get past your own self-doubt. Maybe the sentence you just wrote doesn't quite suit your needs for that character. Maybe there's a big chunk of reaction missing in a character's conversation. Okay--you've identified that. Make a note of what needs to be addressed when you stop writing and are ready to review. That review might occur at the end of the book or of the chapter or even of the scene. But you have to keep writing and not let your self-doubt about or fears of embarrassment at the trashy quality of your writing keep you from getting anything down in print at all.

Yesterday, I had a moment that I hadn't experienced for some time. Without realizing it, I slipped into a place where I could contentedly sit and follow the actions of my characters in my mind like I was watching a movie. What happened next in the scene was what naturally came to them, not what I felt the need to force into being. When the moment was over, I felt peaceful and happy. These moments are what I think I love most about writing. Everyone has those activities that make them feel good about themselves. Some of us are dancers, and we feel most free in movement. Others lose themselves in music. For myself, I love the sense of calm that comes when a flow of words seems perfect for the time and place, whether I'm putting them down on paper or startling a companion into bemused silence.

If anyone out there has any extra well-wishes, I could really use some.

I'm better! I have gotten over my bout with pleurisy and I actually feel like writing again! HOORAY!!!!

Sphinx Ink has tagged me to take part in a bloggers' meme.

According to the instructions:

I have to post these rules before I give you the facts.

• Each player starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
• People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
• At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
• Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

So, onto the morsels of revelation!

1. I have multi-toned skin that has led many people to ask (or perhaps wonder silently) if I was burned during my childhood (I was not--just born this way). This has left me a wee bit self-conscious about displaying skin.

2. I have a bad habit of extensively researching new hobbies, purchasing all of the supplies I need for them, and then never using the stuff. (I am going to learn how to needle-felt. Really.)

3. When I doodle, I draw tiny faces. Two dots and a mouth, and I prefer to make everything just a little askew. Little smiling faces--or little annoyed faces, depending on my mood at that moment.

4. I like to think that I would be a sleek, graceful feline predator if I were an animal. Friends keep trying to disabuse me of this belief by insisting upon seeing me as a small fluffy brown bunny.

5. Movies and books with sad or tragic endings are to be avoided. They linger on my mind for an inordinate amount of time. I was a nervous wreck for a full day after watching Amadeus, and I once furiously buried a book in the back of my closet because the hero died and I didn't see it coming.

6. I love documentaries that give me insight about human behavior. Everything from shows about criminal behavior to interviews with exotic dancers.

7. My favorite and most often uttered word used to be "nifty". Much to the chagrin of family and friends who I've managed to startle in moments of delighted excitement, it is now "WOOT!"

8. I'm not particularly ambitious in the traditional sense. I have no desire to be a leader. I am, however, an EXCELLENT supporter. Giving other people happy moments makes me happy. You need someone to give you encouragement? I'm your woman! Yay, You!

If I can think of eight people to send this to, I'll edit this post with their names later.

Several years ago, I decided I wanted to be childlike.

I don't remember what exactly spurred this decision. I suspect it had something to do with a discussion I read about the difference between "childlike" and "childish". In any case, I had been much happier and friendlier when I was a wee person, a sharp contrast to the shy and reserved person I had grown into at the time of my decision.

So I decided that I wasn't going to be embarrassed to find joy in the little things in life. To stop and admire the geckos. To savor the chocolate muffin like it was meant to be savored. To always be open to learning something new. To embrace silliness and share its importance with others (often whether I know them or not).

Take the little happinesses when you can get them. Sometimes the big ones can be few and far between.