So I've gone back to revise the one book I've written all the way through so far. My critique group's cheering me on, and my imagination is flexing its underused muscles for sustained workouts. But I've been a casualty of the weather and the cycle of illnesses that come with seasonal changes--more than usual now, since I've married a doctor, who brings all sorts of interesting bugs home with no effort at all.

To get myself in the right frame of mind, I upgraded my copy of WRITER'S CAFE, a thankfully cross-platform program that allows me to keep track of all of the bits and pieces I used to put my story together. I also bought two books--one, Thinking Write: The Secret to Freeing Your Creative Mind buy Kelly Stone, to help me tap into my subconscious mind to be more creative and more prolific; the other, Getting Into Character: Seven Secrets a Novelist Can Learn From Actors by Brandilyn Collins, was admittedly something of an impulse buy because I was fascinated by the option to pay a wee bit more and be able to access the book's text online through my Amazon account. I thought these books would help me get the ball rolling again, get me back into the mood.

Alas, chain colds and fatigue do not make for a good baseline for building good writing habits. I'm far from ready to admit defeat, but I'm also far from where I want to be in my return to writing. And I fear falling back into that old tar-pit of procrastination.

I'm sitting here, wondering where the evening went as I type in my gray Dickensian compression gloves (thanks, Shauna!), wishing I could take tomorrow off and sort through some mental fuzziness. I'm officially a married woman. Married life has definitely not been what I expected so far--no dust-ups or regrets, but I've had a nasty fall and been sick and still have to keep reminding myself that I don't have to go home, this IS my home. One luxury that neither I nor my honeydo have at this point is time. There are things that need to get done, money to be made, bills to pay. Adult life, in a nutshell.

Now that the wedding plans and execution (ouch!) are over, it's also time to get back on the writing bandwagon. As I slowly blend my belongings and habits into my new husband's household, I also need to re-incorporate my writing habits into my new lifestyle. Too much time spent away from the notebooks, though I've managed to collect a few interesting tools along the way. Time to recapture the kitten of creativity, nestle it around my neck, and keep it entertained long enough to capture its purrs on paper.

Mrf. I need a cat.

One of the most dangerous sentences in the English language:
"I'll work on it later."

I haven't had trouble writing lately because I haven't even dared to try to write. Too sick originally, then too stressed out, too anxious. So I've been playing computer puzzles, which the fabulous man who gives me my anti-anxiety pills says is a wonderful way to de-stress. Most recently, I've become interested in Escape puzzles in which you find yourself in a room full of hidden clues and you have to find them and figure out how they work with each other to get the key that lets you out of the room. I used to hate these, but suddenly they're very calming....

...which led me to a sudden thread that I'd like to follow in my writing. A puzzle like this would be perfect for the great scheme of my storyline. But how do I build it? Do I decide on the clues themselves and how they fit together to lead toward the prize first, or do I look at the general surroundings and work in toward the details and the best places to hide them? I'd ask the Escape puzzle creators, but so far, most of the ones I've found are by Japanese artists/programmers.

Any advice?

I'm home sick today after a weekend spent battling stomach cramps. On the bright side, I spent so much time trying to distract myself with computer games that I don't feel the urge to start one today. So I'll spend the day working on my wedding guest list, registry, and writing. Reworking Chapter 2 to fit the "new vision" and hoping that my voice comes through.

It's very easy to become intimidated by other people's successes. Each achievement you congratulate in others who're following the same dreams you have highlights your own failure to reach those same goals. The trick is to celebrate other folks' victories without bitterness toward them and to remember that we all have different life paths and different experiences. The stories I want to tell now are not stories I could've created ten years ago (my original publishing deadline) or even three years ago. So as hard as it seems, I keep muddling along and hoping I can get through the rut and the distractions and someday be just as productive and excited as all of the talented writers I've come to know.

I never thought I would reach a day when I had too much to do but not enough time to do it all. The internet has created a whole new set of tasks for me to keep up with. I have a number of podcasts that I never get around to listening to (mostly writing reference and TED talks), Facebook friends to keep up with, other blogs to follow, writing workshops and newsletters, games....it all keeps piling up. And the books....I'm not buying as many new ones, but I have so many used ones I never got around to reading! (Starting to catch up on those now; a used one for every new one I read)

Tonight I had to acknowledge that I've let inertia become too much of a friend. Perhaps I can't keep up with all of this all of the time, but there are so many times I've caught myself staring at my computer screen or playing the same game over again even though there's no satisfaction in it. Time to jump-start myself, to get back into an active mode mentally if not physically.