I'm trying to be creative, I really am. But I'm also being bombarded with other people's worries about the economy and admonitions that we should be spending as little and saving as much as possible. I'm getting married during the worst financial period in recent history, listening to Oprah recordings where people are talking about how much they have to give up and their struggles to save money. The dissonance here is eating away at me, and my wedding-anxiety dreams are getting worse. I don't have any credit card debt--I pay the balance at the end of every month and often use online checking instead--but I'm reexamining every little happiness I allow myself, every book I consider buying, every edible treat, trying to see where I can cut things down without making life seem like it's not worth living and still be able to afford the big event next year.

It feels like I'm the only one in my household that's aware of this on a personal level, the only one who's carrying this anxiety. If I mention it, it gets dismissed. But I can't help feeling that the roof is about to fall in and I'm directly beneath it.