I've become a hoarder of sorts. I always have been to an extent, but it seems to be getting worse. I've always found solace in gathering enough books around me, enough snacks, enough of my favorite foods so that I never feel anxious about running out. Now I find myself gathering experiences. It's a bit disconcerting to look back and see how many items I've purchased in the hopes that they would help me define who I am and how I can best handle my anxieties. I buy them and use them for a short while, then can't bring myself to use them any longer. I don't know why. Maybe I'm telling myself that I don't have enough time or personal space to use them well. Maybe because I feel like there are so many things that need to be done that I don't want to start another one and not be able to devote my full attention to that new task.

But that doesn't stop me from continuing to hunt for the next experience. The next self-help technique, the next hobby. The one thing that reins me in is my compulsion to comparison shop before I actually buy anything. (Thank God for Wishlists!)

I would like to believe that this isn't so bad if it helps me eventually pinpoint the way to work with my problems. At least I've identified that I have these problems-- including the problem about seeking answers to my problems. Meanwhile, I just wish I could get around to using that biofeedback kit that sounded so wonderful for the two weeks I mulled over it.