The Ninth Muse

2011-09-18T09:08:00.000-07:00

Had to set my comment moderation to "Always" because someone's spamming my blog. Anyone have tricks for screening this nonsense?

2011-07-24T16:26:00.000-07:00

There are sooooo many different writing software choices these days, especially with the addition of iPad versions or iPad apps that you can add to your writing workflow (INDEX CARD is my favorite!). It's easy to get bogged down in the hows and never get any actual writing done.

2011-04-07T08:48:00.000-07:00

A lot has happened since I last posted anything on this blog. The biggest impact: my mother was diagnosed with cancer around the time of my previous post. I moved home to take care of her a few weeks before she passed away this past December. I wish I could update this blog with all of the things I've been working on, but the truth is that the creative wellspring has been pretty dry. I've wondered if perhaps it is because I don't have that many life experiences to draw upon-- I haven't traveled much or extended myself often to do things that forced me to step out of my everyday existence. I've even wondered if the truth is that I don't really have anything to write. Perhaps I'm more of an editor, a thorough reviewer, since I seem to still be competent at that end of things. I'm not ready to give up just yet, but I find myself getting disheartened by all of the successful writing around me, and that's just not a good sign.

2009-12-09T11:57:00.000-08:00

So I've gone back to revise the one book I've written all the way through so far. My critique group's cheering me on, and my imagination is flexing its underused muscles for sustained workouts. But I've been a casualty of the weather and the cycle of illnesses that come with seasonal changes--more than usual now, since I've married a doctor, who brings all sorts of interesting bugs home with no effort at all.

To get myself in the right frame of mind, I upgraded my copy of WRITER'S CAFE, a thankfully cross-platform program that allows me to keep track of all of the bits and pieces I used to put my story together. I also bought two books--one, Thinking Write: The Secret to Freeing Your Creative Mind buy Kelly Stone, to help me tap into my subconscious mind to be more creative and more prolific; the other, Getting Into Character: Seven Secrets a Novelist Can Learn From Actors by Brandilyn Collins, was admittedly something of an impulse buy because I was fascinated by the option to pay a wee bit more and be able to access the book's text online through my Amazon account. I thought these books would help me get the ball rolling again, get me back into the mood.

Alas, chain colds and fatigue do not make for a good baseline for building good writing habits. I'm far from ready to admit defeat, but I'm also far from where I want to be in my return to writing. And I fear falling back into that old tar-pit of procrastination.

2009-06-10T19:12:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting here, wondering where the evening went as I type in my gray Dickensian compression gloves (thanks, Shauna!), wishing I could take tomorrow off and sort through some mental fuzziness. I'm officially a married woman. Married life has definitely not been what I expected so far--no dust-ups or regrets, but I've had a nasty fall and been sick and still have to keep reminding myself that I don't have to go home, this IS my home. One luxury that neither I nor my honeydo have at this point is time. There are things that need to get done, money to be made, bills to pay. Adult life, in a nutshell.

Now that the wedding plans and execution (ouch!) are over, it's also time to get back on the writing bandwagon. As I slowly blend my belongings and habits into my new husband's household, I also need to re-incorporate my writing habits into my new lifestyle. Too much time spent away from the notebooks, though I've managed to collect a few interesting tools along the way. Time to recapture the kitten of creativity, nestle it around my neck, and keep it entertained long enough to capture its purrs on paper.

Mrf. I need a cat.

2009-03-14T14:49:00.001-07:00

One of the most dangerous sentences in the English language:
"I'll work on it later."

2009-02-12T15:19:00.000-08:00

I haven't had trouble writing lately because I haven't even dared to try to write. Too sick originally, then too stressed out, too anxious. So I've been playing computer puzzles, which the fabulous man who gives me my anti-anxiety pills says is a wonderful way to de-stress. Most recently, I've become interested in Escape puzzles in which you find yourself in a room full of hidden clues and you have to find them and figure out how they work with each other to get the key that lets you out of the room. I used to hate these, but suddenly they're very calming....

...which led me to a sudden thread that I'd like to follow in my writing. A puzzle like this would be perfect for the great scheme of my storyline. But how do I build it? Do I decide on the clues themselves and how they fit together to lead toward the prize first, or do I look at the general surroundings and work in toward the details and the best places to hide them? I'd ask the Escape puzzle creators, but so far, most of the ones I've found are by Japanese artists/programmers.

Any advice?

2009-02-02T05:58:00.001-08:00

I'm home sick today after a weekend spent battling stomach cramps. On the bright side, I spent so much time trying to distract myself with computer games that I don't feel the urge to start one today. So I'll spend the day working on my wedding guest list, registry, and writing. Reworking Chapter 2 to fit the "new vision" and hoping that my voice comes through.

It's very easy to become intimidated by other people's successes. Each achievement you congratulate in others who're following the same dreams you have highlights your own failure to reach those same goals. The trick is to celebrate other folks' victories without bitterness toward them and to remember that we all have different life paths and different experiences. The stories I want to tell now are not stories I could've created ten years ago (my original publishing deadline) or even three years ago. So as hard as it seems, I keep muddling along and hoping I can get through the rut and the distractions and someday be just as productive and excited as all of the talented writers I've come to know.

2009-01-03T18:55:00.001-08:00

I never thought I would reach a day when I had too much to do but not enough time to do it all. The internet has created a whole new set of tasks for me to keep up with. I have a number of podcasts that I never get around to listening to (mostly writing reference and TED talks), Facebook friends to keep up with, other blogs to follow, writing workshops and newsletters, games....it all keeps piling up. And the books....I'm not buying as many new ones, but I have so many used ones I never got around to reading! (Starting to catch up on those now; a used one for every new one I read)

Tonight I had to acknowledge that I've let inertia become too much of a friend. Perhaps I can't keep up with all of this all of the time, but there are so many times I've caught myself staring at my computer screen or playing the same game over again even though there's no satisfaction in it. Time to jump-start myself, to get back into an active mode mentally if not physically.

2008-12-22T12:57:00.000-08:00

I have busily been adding the blogs I want to keep up with to Google Reader, which I just thought of today. For someone who enjoys the Net so much, I am woefully ignorant about some of its features. Anyhoo, this new (for me) tool means I will now actually be current with what's going on at all of these pages! Hooray!

2008-12-15T06:12:00.000-08:00

FINALLY getting around to completing the meme that Sphinx Ink included me in. Here's the SIX RANDOM THINGS ABOUT ME meme:

The Rules:

1. Link to the person who tagged you.
2. Post the rules on your blog.
3. Write six random things about yourself.
4. Tag six people at the end of your post and link to them.
5. Let each person know they’ve been tagged and leave a comment on their blog.
6. Let the tagger know when your entry is up.

My six random things:
1. I have an anxiety disorder. This makes life a thrill-every-minute rollercoaster, only without the fun bits.

2. When I was a preteen I would roller disco through my grandmother's house. Got pretty good at it, too; but to be fair, a 5'5" beanpole probably doesn't need to be rollerskating through narrow labyrinthine hallways.

3. My love of small furry creatures began with a stray kitten that used to wait for me to pet him every morning before nursery school. My mom would scoop me up and rush back inside to wash my hands. While she was unlocking the car, I would, of course, pet the kitten again.

4. Small, benign acts of silliness make me very happy :)

5. My first pet was a goldfish that kept jumping out of its tank. I never figured out why. We treated the water very carefully as instructed by the pet store owner. I have been scarred for life by the experience of trying to catch a wriggly fish and put it back and have not wanted a pet fish since.

6. A few Christmases ago, my Mom and I broke into a spontaneous dance routine during a Muzak rendition of Jingle Bell Rock in the TJ Maxx department store. No one noticed.

I'll have to break the rules here, because everyone I know well enough to tag for this meme has already been tagged. But if you're reading this and feel the urge to continue the meme, let me know when you've done so!

2008-11-28T07:16:00.000-08:00

I'm trying to be creative, I really am. But I'm also being bombarded with other people's worries about the economy and admonitions that we should be spending as little and saving as much as possible. I'm getting married during the worst financial period in recent history, listening to Oprah recordings where people are talking about how much they have to give up and their struggles to save money. The dissonance here is eating away at me, and my wedding-anxiety dreams are getting worse. I don't have any credit card debt--I pay the balance at the end of every month and often use online checking instead--but I'm reexamining every little happiness I allow myself, every book I consider buying, every edible treat, trying to see where I can cut things down without making life seem like it's not worth living and still be able to afford the big event next year.

It feels like I'm the only one in my household that's aware of this on a personal level, the only one who's carrying this anxiety. If I mention it, it gets dismissed. But I can't help feeling that the roof is about to fall in and I'm directly beneath it.

2008-11-25T18:01:00.000-08:00

I've decided to recapture my creativity. To that end, I've started working with the 3D artwork software I bought some time ago and have not used since I got frustrated with the somewhat steep learning curve. I've also gone back to my most recent manuscript--not an easy task since, in my zeal to use the online word processor I found, I erased about 65% of the chapter I was working on. And then found that I had somehow removed that part from the original I've got on my desktop as well. Note to self: Don't get rid of ANYTHING until you're successfully working with a publisher on the finished manuscript! :(

I've also been invited to participate in a meme, which I shall do as soon as I think of some things people don't know about me. I'm a pitifully open book.

2008-11-14T06:39:00.000-08:00

Feel free to feed the turtles in my sidebar. It's soothing :)

2008-10-17T12:03:00.001-07:00

Go ahead. Poke the penguin >:)

2008-10-01T18:14:00.000-07:00

I finally decided to start keeping a journal. After researching journal keeping a bit, I also decided that I would do well with a visual technique rather than sticking to words alone. I got some lovely digital collage sheets from Etsy.com and started looking into books about art journal techniques.

Unfortunately, I found a number of good books. And then I realized that I have no supplies. And THEN , Shauna Roberts interviewed Jade Lee on her website, and I ended up wanting all of one of Jade's series as well. AND I'm SUPPOSED to be saving to pay for a wedding! And when will I do all of this, even though I want to, very badly, and I think it would be good for my thinking processes? I think a LOT of things would be good for me that I turn out not to follow up on. But I really, really like this idea. Can someone please arrange it to rain money and time? Thursdays are a good day for me, and I always have an umbrella handy....

2008-08-27T13:14:00.000-07:00

I've found a new writing tool! Zoho has a suite of Office applications plus more, all online, all secure (hopefully), all can be kept private unless you want to share bits. For me, this means I can keep my outline, chapters, and info online as well as on hard drive. That means no more wishing I had my notebook or folder or memory stick. I don't even need to be on my own computer! Today I tried to start writing with the Zoho Writer application but ended up revamping the most recent storyline I started, tweaking it as an outline so that I have a better idea of where I'm going (and am not so intimidated by that big blank white space).

2008-08-13T12:23:00.000-07:00

A co-worker introduced me to wordle, which has become one of my favorite toys. It makes a word cloud that visualizes the word frequency in a passage you copy to the wordle site. You can experiment with different layouts, colors, and fonts until you find the image that makes you most content. This seems like a good tool to use in writing; it could allow you to see what the dominant words (and the ideas linked to them) are in a chapter or scene.

2008-08-11T08:02:00.000-07:00

Usually when I'm looking for a character's face to inspire me, I go to the Casablanca modeling sites. This can leave something to be desired, as all of the faces there tend toward the idealized end of modern beauty standards. This morning, however, I ran across a site called Ugly Models. Very good for everyday people and if you need to visualize tough guys, unusual looks, or warrior-types. Don't be put off by the name.

2008-08-01T09:34:00.000-07:00

I just started PLEASURE UNBOUND by Larissa Ione. Even though the story idea is a new one for me, it felt oddly familiar for some reason. Then I realized why--there's a pattern common to the supernatural romance series that are so popular right now. They all have this list of necessary heroes:
1. The reluctant ruler/leader
2. The peacemaker
3. The techie/intellectual
4. The lover
5. The tortured (literally) outsider
6. The tough female loner
7. The cynic

Have I forgotten anyone?

2008-07-31T05:40:00.000-07:00

How do folks keep up with all of the blogs and digests they're interested in AND write AND live a real external life as well? I've got hobbies I'm not attending to, writing I'm supposed to be working on, and I've gotten behind in reading several blogs. So behind that I didn't notice the Left Behind and Loving It series of writer's workshops until two days ago. And I'm already feeling overwhelmed by the amount of material it offers.

I'm one of those people who need time to decompress every so often. I need a quiet space where I can passively let my brain relax and unravel all of the experiences that get tangled within it as the week goes by. I think my decompression-debt is rising these days; when I get home from work, I don't have the energy or the focus to be able to study and absorb new writing techniques or tackle the 3DCG art hobby I was so excited about when I started it several months ago. I just want to sit and do something I don't have to think too much about, like a computer puzzle. Of course, working on a wedding isn't helping.

Where did I fall off the motivation and drive boat? How do y'all manage it?

2008-07-30T21:08:00.000-07:00

Check out this post on Worldbuilding with a Wiki. I never thought of using a wiki for anything but an informal info source. Boy, I've really got to start thinking outside of my teeny little box.

2008-07-14T11:24:00.000-07:00

Stuck for character backstory development? Might I suggest scrolling through the pictures at It's Lovely! I'll Take It! and imagining which ones your character might have lived in/decorated/cringed away from? Talk about a picture being worth a thousand words....

I have hatchlings!

2008-07-07T10:26:00.000-07:00

HAPPY CHOCOLATE DAY, EVERYONE!

I've already eaten some, now you GO FORTH and CONSUME GOOD CHOCOLATE!

On a lower note, looks like my eggs aren't gonna make it. I think I looked at them too often from the same computer before I realized it was NOT a good idea to do so. Dragons on my mind these days, so I've got regretful pangs about losing this batch. Live and learn.

2008-07-06T05:00:00.000-07:00

I made one small change to the backstory of the storyline I'm supposed to be working on. The result: a story that has felt that it didn't have enough to drive it forward suddenly shows new signs of life as it simmers in my brain. I'm glad I didn't give in to my impulse to just shove it aside and start a new storyline. Not finishing manuscripts is a dangerous habit I've visited before, and I don't want to do it again unless I write something that's just not viable (and that obviously sucks to anyone who reads it).

Now to get some motivaiton going....

2008-07-02T13:34:00.000-07:00

Whoever said planning for a wedding is fun LIED THROUGH THEIR TEETH!

Haven't been writing any fiction. I have been writing for my job, and the funny thing is that my writing skills are strong enough in that area for my boss to be confident that I'll send out letters that will get all the necessary and potentially sensitive questions asked to all of the people involved without insulting anyone. So I can still write. Sort of.

Meanwhile, I also bought a book called THE MIND OF YOUR STORY, by Lisa Lenard-Cook. I'm hoping that examining the heart of my story will help me figure out why this one isn't a joy for me to write and why my slow writing has ground to a complete halt.

Now all I have to do is catch up. To remind me of how important catching up and writing is, I've placed some dragons on this page. Whenever anyone finds a reason to visit this blog, the dragons (now eggs that hopefully won't die) will be here. For any one to visit this page, of course, there has to be something worth reading here. And since my own life is not particularly exciting, the something worth reading will most often involve writing. No worries, I am NOT going to use this blog to chart my wedding planning progress. That would only add to the stress.

But I see why people say blogging is good for writers. I try to think about my story often, and I fail miserably to get any farther than regret about not writing. But WRITING about working on my story somehow makes it more possible that I could actually work on the story. Henh.

Succumb to whimsy at some time this month. It'll make you feel good, and everyone else will eventually forget their own shock.

2008-01-06T20:19:00.000-08:00

I want to WRITE AGAIN! It's been too long!

But I've forgotten where I wanted my storyline to go....

2007-08-06T06:18:00.000-07:00

A lot of writing instruction manuals suggest that to better get to know your character, you should imagine interviewing them. I try this every so often, but I've never really felt comfortable doing it. Here's how my interviews usually go:

Me: All right then, Vey, why don't you tell me a little about yourself?
Vey: (Stares blankly at me from across the table)
Me: Erm... (nervous paper shuffling) Why don't you tell me a little about your childhood? What made you the man you are today?
Vey: (Frowning) You do know you're talking to yourself, right?
Me: Well, ah, technically yes, but this is supposed to be an int-
Vey: I mean, let's be honest. I'm not even from your reality; why would I be sitting at a table with you?
Me: You're missing the point. I'm trying to get to know you better. I'm making the effort to figure out what makes you a unique individual. And no one can hear us, anyway.
Vey: Oh, all right. (Clears throat, then begins to speak in a stiff, artificial manner) I had a very difficult childhood. We were trained to-- Look, I'm sorry, this just isn't working for me. This isn't how I operate.
Me: Well, if you want to get real about, it, you don't normally speak like you're speaking now, either.
Vey: If you're gonna be a smartass, I can take my toys and go home.

When I write, when I think about my characters, I live in their skin. My outer body stills, and my mind turns to what they're seeing and feeling. It's difficult to do--and probably why I'm slow, since you can't do this when you're mind is buzzing with too much real-life responsibility. But writing through the character's skin gives them such life, such vibrance, that for a few moments I can forgive my pokiness and just enjoy the ride.

2007-07-20T05:37:00.000-07:00

For quite some time now, I've been frustrated with my inability to write with as much ease and speed as I once had. Of course, life was simpler when I had it, but that doesn't make the situation easier to accept.

Yesterday I was reminded of some important things that I know but had forgotten to really consider:
1. The first few words are the hardest. This is true for a rewrite as well as for a blank page. Any time you have to create something from nothing (or from little), you can be choked by fear of failure/ridicule or self-doubt.

2. Sometimes the best way to go forward is to take a few steps back. Many, many times I've found myself stuck in a scene for weeks, wondering what I was supposed to do next. What works best? Save a copy of the original scene, pull it apart into manageable events, then consider alternatives to those events. If the scene ends with a character leaving, what would happen if he never left? Say you've begun your scene with a fight--how will events change if the characters approach each other with different attitudes? What if she never entered the room but the chapter still ended with her finding his letter?

3. You write best when you can silence your inner critic. This is not, mind you, the voice saying, "Wait a minute--that's not how you spell conglomeration!" You have to be able to get past your own self-doubt. Maybe the sentence you just wrote doesn't quite suit your needs for that character. Maybe there's a big chunk of reaction missing in a character's conversation. Okay--you've identified that. Make a note of what needs to be addressed when you stop writing and are ready to review. That review might occur at the end of the book or of the chapter or even of the scene. But you have to keep writing and not let your self-doubt about or fears of embarrassment at the trashy quality of your writing keep you from getting anything down in print at all.

Yesterday, I had a moment that I hadn't experienced for some time. Without realizing it, I slipped into a place where I could contentedly sit and follow the actions of my characters in my mind like I was watching a movie. What happened next in the scene was what naturally came to them, not what I felt the need to force into being. When the moment was over, I felt peaceful and happy. These moments are what I think I love most about writing. Everyone has those activities that make them feel good about themselves. Some of us are dancers, and we feel most free in movement. Others lose themselves in music. For myself, I love the sense of calm that comes when a flow of words seems perfect for the time and place, whether I'm putting them down on paper or startling a companion into bemused silence.

2007-07-18T05:52:00.000-07:00

If anyone out there has any extra well-wishes, I could really use some.

2007-07-03T06:37:00.000-07:00

I'm better! I have gotten over my bout with pleurisy and I actually feel like writing again! HOORAY!!!!

2007-06-22T10:36:00.000-07:00

Sphinx Ink has tagged me to take part in a bloggers' meme.

According to the instructions:

I have to post these rules before I give you the facts.

Each player starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

So, onto the morsels of revelation!

1. I have multi-toned skin that has led many people to ask (or perhaps wonder silently) if I was burned during my childhood (I was not--just born this way). This has left me a wee bit self-conscious about displaying skin.

2. I have a bad habit of extensively researching new hobbies, purchasing all of the supplies I need for them, and then never using the stuff. (I am going to learn how to needle-felt. Really.)

3. When I doodle, I draw tiny faces. Two dots and a mouth, and I prefer to make everything just a little askew. Little smiling faces--or little annoyed faces, depending on my mood at that moment.

4. I like to think that I would be a sleek, graceful feline predator if I were an animal. Friends keep trying to disabuse me of this belief by insisting upon seeing me as a small fluffy brown bunny.

5. Movies and books with sad or tragic endings are to be avoided. They linger on my mind for an inordinate amount of time. I was a nervous wreck for a full day after watching Amadeus, and I once furiously buried a book in the back of my closet because the hero died and I didn't see it coming.

6. I love documentaries that give me insight about human behavior. Everything from shows about criminal behavior to interviews with exotic dancers.

7. My favorite and most often uttered word used to be "nifty". Much to the chagrin of family and friends who I've managed to startle in moments of delighted excitement, it is now "WOOT!"

8. I'm not particularly ambitious in the traditional sense. I have no desire to be a leader. I am, however, an EXCELLENT supporter. Giving other people happy moments makes me happy. You need someone to give you encouragement? I'm your woman! Yay, You!

If I can think of eight people to send this to, I'll edit this post with their names later.

2007-06-14T07:12:00.000-07:00

Several years ago, I decided I wanted to be childlike.

I don't remember what exactly spurred this decision. I suspect it had something to do with a discussion I read about the difference between "childlike" and "childish". In any case, I had been much happier and friendlier when I was a wee person, a sharp contrast to the shy and reserved person I had grown into at the time of my decision.

So I decided that I wasn't going to be embarrassed to find joy in the little things in life. To stop and admire the geckos. To savor the chocolate muffin like it was meant to be savored. To always be open to learning something new. To embrace silliness and share its importance with others (often whether I know them or not).

Take the little happinesses when you can get them. Sometimes the big ones can be few and far between.

2007-05-22T07:37:00.000-07:00

From Chapter 1 of my current Work in Progress:

Twelve armsmen, eight among them unblooded youngsters, none of them battle-tempered. Six archers aiming from window slits high above. Thirty-seven apparent noncombatants leaning over the battlements and peering from the windows--any could be armed.

Vey marked each person’s location in his mind. With practiced precision, he calculated the likely trajectories between them, his Queen and her handmaid, and his Brothers. The grounds outside the palace walls offered few places for defense, but the Brothers could move swiftly, and Halle would protect their Queen’s life with her own.

Standing orders were to avoid offensive engagement unless otherwise directed. Neutralize the enemy even when attacked. He had the advantage--his nearest opponent faced into the sun. Squinting against the sun’s glare, the guard shifted uneasily as his eyes darted from Vey to the other faceless Wraiths. A flash of light reflecting off of his sword heightened the nerves of the other guards; all raised their weapons higher to keep their uninvited guests in place.

Vey and his Brothers were motionless, waiting for their Queen’s command.

“My arrival has not been a surprise.” Within the circle of her protectors, his Queen’s voice was edged with displeasure. “The King of Eindeven has promised me the peace of his household.”

The guard who had halted their party, an officer by his wide-legged, dominant stance and by the symbols embroidered on his tunic, was unimpressed. “I’ll not let a force of armed assassins into His Majesty’s court,” he growled. “Your men surrender their weapons, or you leave the lot of ’em out here.”

A flicker of movement from high above caught Vey’s eye. One of the high windows that had been previously unoccupied now framed the figure of a late arrival. A woman.

She was darker-skinned than any woman he had ever seen. She was dressed with the plainness of a servant, unornamented, and unprotected. Her dark eyes were intent as she watched the conflict below, her lips slightly parted. When she leaned closer to the window, a shaft of sunlight brushed her skin, gilding it with honey.

Vey had tasted honey once. He’d been very young and very ill, unable to even look at food. The spoonful of dark, thick honey had been a heavy sweetness against his tongue, making his mouth water in spite of his lack of appetite. He had longed to ask for more.

2007-04-20T06:55:00.000-07:00

Those of you who enjoy flashes from the past have to check out Miss Retro Modern's Photos. Simply divine.

2007-04-16T06:28:00.000-07:00

Last night, around 1:45 AM, the engine in our apartment's air conditioning unit apparently fried itself. We awoke to find smoke pouring into the apartment through the vents and spent a few of the following hours getting to know the residents of our local firehouse.

We are, of course, left with an apartment covered in little strings of ash, clothes that smell like something unspeakable burned in them, and a hole in our ceiling. The apartment manager has said that she'll try to get the unit replaced by the end of the day. Meanwhile, the electricity to our apartment has been turned off; we spent the few hours before the morning at a friend's house, but we're unsure about what we're supposed to do next.

I'll probably take tomorrow off to start doing laundry or clean-up. Meanwhile, I'm trying to look at the silver linings--we woke up before the smoke could do untold damage to our lungs or kill us, and we still have most of our smoke-stained possessions.

Am I really supposed to be able to write through things like this?

2007-03-31T07:44:00.000-07:00

Today will be a writing day. Things to do:
1. Finish the first draft of Chapter 5.
2. In the first four chapters, flesh V and Tam out into fuller characters, like they are in my head. Show more of the conflict/interaction going on in their own lives; intertwine it with the plot line
3. Do my normal first rewrite of Chapter 5 at this point so that it reflects the changes in the first chapters.
4. Start chapter 6.

The likelihood of me getting this list covered today, or even this weekend, is fairly low. But if I set my mind toward Chapter 5, it's a start, and a start is better than a stall.

Might start putting snippets of my work up here as well, if I can get over the worry about it being plagarized and published by someone else before I can do it.

2007-03-30T12:58:00.000-07:00

My critique group tore apart my latest chapter. It hurt like the dickens, but I have to admit that they're right about the weak spots they pointed out. These spots web flaws out from the first chapters like cracks spreading through windshield glass. To keep them from spreading any further into the following chapters, I'm going to finish the rough draft of the chapter I'm working on now, then go back and rewrite the first four chapters (making the main characters stronger), then redo chapter 5 to match the changes in the first four.

I need speed. I need to be able to get over my unreasonable fear of attaching myself to something I loved so much before. Hey--maybe that's it, huh? I was so attached to it, and when the hurricane hit New Orleans, I was ripped away from being able to so much as think about it for a long time. Maybe I don't want that to happen again. Maybe I'm just still stressed out.

I wish I could take time off from work--say, a two-week stretch--to get some straight writing done in a modicum of privacy (which I don't have in our teeny space in the evenings). But work is wonderful when it's allowing you to pay for your medical needs and buy things. Buying things...heck, that has become a whole 'nother problem these days.

Find happiness where you can, people. Hopefully it won't involve your credit cards.

2007-02-28T07:06:00.000-08:00

I have to admit that although I'm frustrated with how long it's taking me to write, I've come up with some good ideas during those long stretches of silent fingers. The odd part--my novel seems to want very much to be a two-parter. Funny, considering how much difficulty I'm having getting this written down. Perhaps I'll just end up writing a hefty tome in the style of Lorna Freeman (READ LORNA'S BOOKS NOW!).

2007-02-14T09:42:00.000-08:00

Well, our house was robbed a sixth time. They broke through our attempts to secure the place. Doesn't seem like it'll be safe to move back even if we're able to afford the post-hurricane repairs.

I'm trying to get in a writing frame of mind. Really, I am.

2007-02-13T06:14:00.000-08:00

We woke up this morning to find out that our area was hit by multiple tornadoes. A harsh thing to happen to a city that a.)doesn't have tornadoes and b.)is still struggling to recover from Hurricane Katrina.

On top of that, the recent spate of violence and robbery have apparently made some ugly-souled people out there say (loudly) that the country shouldn't be working to rebuild New Orleans. To you all, I point out that your moment will come, and you'd better hope that people feel more humanity toward you than you seem to be willing to extend to us.

New Orleans is an entertainment stop to most of the country. But the truth is, a lot of the drinking and partying is done by tourists who come here. We're very family oriented, as anyone who's ever attended an uptown parade during Mardi Gras season can tell you. We're far from the Sodom and Gomorrah that we're portrayed as. We're a very religious city--many religions, though predominantly Catholic, and we had nothing but goodwill for the rest of the country.

Now, I think, we're also very, very tired. It's very hard to shut out those loud, ugly voices who marginalize you. It's also painful to realize just how little concern your own state has for you as well. I've always heard that New Orleans was like an island all on its own... I didn't realize until now just how true that was.

No writing right now. The continued stress seems to be pushing me more toward light hysteria instead of panic, anxiety, and collapse. Is it a bad thing to be able to laugh about the fact that your hurricane-damaged house is still standing after a tornado?

2007-01-30T07:43:00.000-08:00

I was hoping to get Chapter 4 finished this week, but Things have come up and conspired to eat most of my time. Here's hoping I can reclaim some of it and get the chapter out by Saturday night at the latest.

Meanwhile, here's the first Forward Motion for Writers exercise I've done for the Zette's Gym forum in quite a while. The challenge, as listed at the forum, was to write a sentence that included all five senses. Here's my attempt:

He drew his limbs tight to avoid feeding more skin to the broken stone, stars bursting into false brightness and fading behind his closed lids, and concentrated on each rasp of breath that burned his nostrils with dust from a past long forgotten and coated his throat with the dry promise of death.

2007-01-17T13:10:00.000-08:00

I'd like to start writing again, but I'm not sure where to start. I mean, if your most senior of six bodyguards is found mysteriously dead in a foreign ruler's palace, what's your next step? Do you rage? Are you shellshocked? Wrought with anguish because he was your lover or because your favorite plaything is gone? Are you lost and paranoid?

This is a good time to make one of those Lists of 20, where you write down 20 alternative answers to your question and use one of the last few, which are bound to be unusual and brain-stimulating. Unfortunately, I've never actually gotten all the way through a List of 20. Hm. My assignment for the evening is to decide what reaction the young queen would have so I can get started on Chapter 4 of V's book.

2007-01-14T21:02:00.000-08:00

I've become a hoarder of sorts. I always have been to an extent, but it seems to be getting worse. I've always found solace in gathering enough books around me, enough snacks, enough of my favorite foods so that I never feel anxious about running out. Now I find myself gathering experiences. It's a bit disconcerting to look back and see how many items I've purchased in the hopes that they would help me define who I am and how I can best handle my anxieties. I buy them and use them for a short while, then can't bring myself to use them any longer. I don't know why. Maybe I'm telling myself that I don't have enough time or personal space to use them well. Maybe because I feel like there are so many things that need to be done that I don't want to start another one and not be able to devote my full attention to that new task.

But that doesn't stop me from continuing to hunt for the next experience. The next self-help technique, the next hobby. The one thing that reins me in is my compulsion to comparison shop before I actually buy anything. (Thank God for Wishlists!)

I would like to believe that this isn't so bad if it helps me eventually pinpoint the way to work with my problems. At least I've identified that I have these problems-- including the problem about seeking answers to my problems. Meanwhile, I just wish I could get around to using that biofeedback kit that sounded so wonderful for the two weeks I mulled over it.

2007-01-13T11:40:00.000-08:00

Sorry to be so long between posting. It's been a rough time out here. I haven't written much in months. Things were already looking grim and frustrating, and then our house was stripped of our silverware, media equipment, and copper pipes and wires (we're not yet sure what else is missing, since we're still in the temporary apartment). Five break-ins in spite of all of our attempts to secure the house. The estimate for the electricity alone is in the five-digit range. Not counting the roof repairs and foundation repairs and any gutting needed....

But I think I've found my footing once again. I'm ready to write again, and that's a wonderful feeling. All we can do is move forward, right?

Thanks go to all of our friends and neighbors who've offered so much moral support. And carpentry knowledge.

Save those old chapters.

2006-09-11T04:44:00.000-07:00

Been struggling with chapter 3 for some time. I've begun 4 different versions of the chapter, and though I've been enthusiastic about them, I would always get to a point where I realized I had boxed myself into a corner. Very frustrating, since I have a storyline; I just keep having trouble connecting the dots.

While getting ready for work this morning, I thought of a way to use the latest beginning incorporated into the original "chapter" that I renamed and shuffled off. Good thing I still have it!

Take a moment of silence in remembrance today.

I need a writing strategy

2006-09-03T09:36:00.000-07:00

I was able to sit down and do the Zette's Gym challenge, but every time I try to start Chapter 3, I stall. So here's my thought:

Approach each scene as a Gym challenge. Set a task for the characters to achieve during that scene, specific or general, doesn't matter as long as there's a goal to aim for. If I can do one Gym, I should be able to do a number of 'em and then string 'em together.

2006-08-29T16:53:00.000-07:00

The Forward Motion for Writers site has a members-only area called Zette's Gym. Today I tried out a challenge (about writing a realistic spellcasting scene) to flex my flabby muscles. This is how my posted attempt turned out:

Head... heart... hands.

Betony’s hands trembled as she traced the symbols for each point of focus across her skin. A single misplaced threading could strip her own weave and leave her lifeless-- or worse, mindless.

Thread warp and weft.

Her head ached from the effort of holding her loom’s image in her mind. She fumbled in her apron for the woolen threads she had braided together.

Nothing.

Fear pounding in her throat, she turned the pockets inside out. She fell to her knees, scrabbling in the grass to find the tricolored braid. When had it fallen out? While she held Alphebe through her last convulsions? When she had stumbled in her flight from the sight of the Wards buckling in spite of the chanting of the other Adepts?

Howls of victory rose from the compound behind her. The seals had failed. They would break free of the fortress soon. And no help would be forthcoming if she failed in her Summoning.

Green for life, red to call, white for alliance. Tears blurred her vision as she dug her fingers into the moist soil to coax a slender weed free of its moorings and denude it of all but its bright green stem. She unwound the tangle of discarded roots to pull the longest root free, hastily brushing the soil from the fragile white strand. Her own hair would have to do for red; she raked her fingers through it, yanking free a strand that reflected enough copper to fit her need.

She knotted the elements together at one end and swiftly braided them into a single patterned cord. Winding the cord through her fingers, she Reached into the bones of the earth and called to the ley lines, using the pattern she’d woven in this world to draw the threads of energy she needed into her grasp. Her fingers twitched as she wove the shining strands into a tapestry behind her mind’s eye, not daring to pause until she could knot the ends of warp and weft together.

She released the weave back into the earth and felt a flash of triumph as it was accepted, sinking into the rich soil until she could no longer even picture it in her mind. She had done it! She, a mere acolyte, had completed a Summoning!

Her vision blurred. Not from tears this time. No figure rising before her, either. Just the feel of heat intensifying through the soles of her feet, of energy rising within her until her limbs felt leaden and her breath was wrung from her chest.

Alphebe’s voice teased at her memory, whispering, Never weave yourself into your Working.

Ah, gods, what had she done?

Fear

2006-08-11T04:16:00.000-07:00

What am I afraid of? I used to be able to sit in my cubicle once I had finished the assigned work and write, or at least outline. Why can't I do it any more? Why have I gotten to the point where I end up prolonging all of my work preparations so that I can say I don't have any time to write?

I don't understand how I could be afraid of my own writing. How do you conquer fear of writing when writing's the thing you're supposed to love most?

2006-08-05T08:51:00.000-07:00

Best technique I've found recently: The Ugly Notebook, from Jenna Glatzer's Outwitting Writer's Block. Take a plain notebook you won't feel obligated to protect against useless words, tawdry cliches, and food stains, and use it as your writing warm-up. Write down random thoughts that come to you during the day. Free write. For me, that means using a single word to set off a chain of concepts that, even if they don't have anything to do with my storyline, generate creative energy. I might even find one single word that sparks off an idea I would never have gotten in my normal writing attempts.

Learn to love your ugly notebook.

2006-08-04T04:56:00.000-07:00

I was writing to a new friend I met at the RWA national conference when I came up with the following. Made me stop and think:

I wrote 2 chapters, used the first pretty much as-is, but realized yesterday that the second needs to get tossed. I'd been trying to figure out how to rework it in my head (bad habit--better to start writing, right?) and suddenly came up with another set of scenes that not only solves the problem of giving the reader enough action to stay interested but also adds to some of the intrigue I'm layering in. Important lesson learned: sometimes you have to sacrifice what you write. Sometimes it's just not the right scene or chapter, and you cheerfully toss it away (actually rename it and open a brand new file as a replacement) and go with something that will make for a much better storyline.

It's an important life lesson too, isn't it? Sometimes you just have to toss (or tuck) things away, even if you've spent painful time and effort on them, or you won't be able to move on. Hm.

It's easy to let time pass and not realize how big a loss it is until later. It's harder to identify another pathway to get the results you want, and sometimes you're so stuck on the original way to do it that you get blinded. True for writing and for life itself. I can be a little slow with new ideas--I like to think of it as percolating. What it really comes down to is that my creative muscles have atrophied. Time to do a little work, get them warmed up and stretched out. In Outwitting Writer's Block, Jenna Glatzer suggests getting an "ugly notebook" (so you won't fixate on being "careful" with it) and using it to jot down random thoughts that spill from your mind during the day. I like this idea. I think it'll work.

2006-07-23T11:09:00.000-07:00

I had decided to stop trying to work on V's story. I was comfortable with my decision, because it felt like I was struggling too much with it and I didn't want this to hold as little fun as my day-to-day job does. But then a friend/critique partner said that she had seen promise in the storyline.

I thought it was too much like another one of my stories, but it's so early in the game now that it wouldn't be hard to wipe away the similarities. Maybe I just need to approach this from another angle, to stop seeing this story as my chance for redemption in the writing arena. If, instead of trying to force this thing, I can just go sit somewhere quiet and see what the story tells me, V's story might have a second wind waiting. How many writers or wannabe writers don't realize that a failure to listen might be their problem, not "writer's block"? Then again, I'm in a hopeful mood right now--what happens if it breaks and there's nothing to listen to?

Current Mood: hopeful

2006-07-18T04:22:00.000-07:00

I often dislike the chapters I've written immediately after I've given them to others to be critiqued. They seem silly and overworked. Sometimes they are. Most of the time, I think, it's just that I've spent so much effort slaving putting them together that I've stared at them for too long.

The RWA conference is next week, and I've got a lot to get done before then. Business cards to readdress (since the phone number is no longer good), shopping to finish, and a newsletter article to put together. Somewhere in there, hopefully, I'll get to chapters 3 and 4. Unless I fritter the time away. I've become very good at frittering. What's the best way to get rid of frittering, when it's so easy to fall into?

2006-07-16T06:59:00.000-07:00

Over and over, I've seen people say that the best way to improve your writing skills and speed is to write constantly. Everyone mentions journaling. I don't know why the concept is so hard for me to be interested in; there's a whole industry built around journaling, so other people are finding satisfaction in doing it.

If it increased my writing time, though, isn't it worth it? I'm pretty slow right now... it would be marvelous to be able to do a chapter per week, perhaps, maybe even finish a book in two months or so. Time to break through this particular aversion.

Current mood: contemplative

2006-07-02T07:14:00.000-07:00

I think I've figured out how to handle chapter 2 this morning. It seemed like the pace was too slow--two queens conversing while their retainers looked on. But I think part of my problem is that the scene didn't really belong to either queen. It's Tam's scene. It needs to reflect her feelings on what's going on--the veiled prodding of the queens into each other's business, the strangeness of Queen K's guards, the animosity between her and the other ladies in Queen S's attendance. I need to get into her head, and the same goes for the next chapter and V's scenes.

Sometimes I worry that part of my problem is not having enough life experiences. I mean, I have experience, some of it not very pleasant at all, but I've lived in a fairly tight circle except for the time spent away during our post -Katrina evacuation. I wish I had more time to let myself be a sponge, to absorb some thirdhand experiences that I could take apart and use for inspiration, but working and absorbing don't seem to go together well, and I frankly need the paycheck to have the luxury of writing.

Today I will work on the chapters. By the end of this week (hopefully earlier), my critique group will have them.
Current Mood: Determined

2006-06-28T18:08:00.000-07:00

Stuff to do, stuff to do.
Current Mood: (busy, actually)

2006-06-26T04:32:00.000-07:00

Having had experience in becoming too involved in internet activities and not sparing enough time for other things--like writing--I was a bit worried that I would experience the same thing with a blog. But as you can see by how many days it has taken me to get back here, that's apparently not a problem.

I entered a 5,000 word challenge at the Forward Motion for Writers forum. I haven't even looked at the 5,000+ words I got written during that 48-hour period. Time to get back on the horse and start writing again.

But the trick is juggling life on the page and life outside the window... and having the energy to handle them both.

2006-06-20T11:42:00.000-07:00

I have been a poet.

You Should Be A Poet

You craft words well, in creative and unexpected ways.
And you have a great talent for evoking beautiful imagery...
Or describing the most intense heartbreak ever.
You're already naturally a poet, even if you've never written a poem.

What Type of Writer Should You Be?

6/19/06 9:35:18 PM

2006-06-19T19:54:00.000-07:00

I just finished taking part in the June Word Count Marathon, Take 2, at the Forward Motion for Writers community. I signed up with it because I've been feeling static since last summer, when our lives were turned upside down and we were forced from our home. I can't get used to our apartment--it's too small, the computer is too close to the TV, wherever I am in the place. It vibrates. It's not home.

I'm glad I took part in the marathon. It was difficult, but as long as I had a tight deadline, I was writing past my inner critic. The Critic has all but shut down my regular writing, but while I did the marathon, I pushed past it. Over 5,000 words in 48 hours! Not all of it was straight chapter-work, but I really needed to work on my characterization as well.

Maybe between the challenges of Forward Motion and the habit of writing here, I'll be able to continue to push past my critic. It feels good, and I'd like to keep that feeling going.